Saturday, September 11, 2010

Been awhile...

and the tone might change a bit. Right now I'm sitting here while Mike and the kids are over having dinner with friends. I'm going out tonight to help other friends celebrate. I'm not really feeling like celebrating right now.
While I know this is my decision, and I feel it's the right one, and most days I really am okay, tonight I am not. I am worried about finding a job, going to school, finishing my homework this weekend, getting my car fixed...and on and on and on.
Right when I am fitting in, as the mom in a family, knowing other families, ones that include a husband, wife, kids....I go and become single again. I don't think I know any other single women, moms or not. The few unmarried ones have boyfriends...well, the one unmarried one. What'll I do with my free time on weeks I don't have the kids? I see a lot of movies in my future.
Hearing Mike talk about the things he's starting to look forward to solidify my decision, and my feeling that both of us will find bigger happiness apart than together becomes more concrete. I worry so much about how Kaia will react, but I know I need to show my kids that following what's in your heart is the only way to find happiness in this world. Mistakes will be made, and money might not always follow, but if you're following your dreams, you can't go wrong.

I must be true to myself in order to be true to those I love.

2 comments:

Andrea -Mustang Saga said...

Hugs. I wish I could be there (or you could be here). I'd totally hang out with you, even though I'm not single. :)

Michael said...

I wish I could convey to everyone how much I truly do not want this, how much I wish I could keep this pain from my children. I am not happy, but these few things are all the points of light I have to keep me going right now. I would trade them all in a heartbeat to keep my family.